Friday, August 31, 2007

no gnomes

There were no gnomes to be seen in the snooty nursery with Vivaldi, and why would there be.
So we went downstream to the garden centre where polymer cockies and budgies happily hang out with the medium shrubs and climbing roses.
There were about six footy gnomes gracing the terraces,
but none in red and white. So I asked the saleswoman:
- Do you have any Swans Footy Gnomes?
- Did you see any about?
- No.
- No. I think we only stock the Melbourne teams...
I don't mean to be racist.

I was more offended on behalf of South Melbourne Football Club. As a dyed-in-the-wool Victorian, I agree with the sentiment: NSW is a different country. But as there were a couple of non-Victorian gnomes in the cluster, a Crow and a Docker, I don't think this was an official policy.

Friday, August 24, 2007


Q: Is it time to stop playing pub trivia when the answer is Labrador and I say Alsatian?

(OTOH - was it the time, two years ago, when I didn't know the middle name of J.B.Priestley)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


[citation needed] Sticker

Cut this sticker into three strips, and start flagging inadequately-sourced objects in the world around you
via As Above

(High on my list of top ten phrases of our times)

Monday, August 13, 2007


From Australian American Cookbook 1958 p70

On behalf of

Thursday, August 09, 2007

dental tv

More dental as

Remember: the television is there for you.
said my dentist, as I stared up at Foxtel on the ceiling.
Is this OK?
It was Chefs in a kitchen so I said yep casually before my mouth went numb,
Because talking Chefs in a kitchen seemed innocuous enough, despite the dollop of reality-tv competition, British not Iron.
But then suddenly it was all about meat.
And not in a discreet ingredients way, but MEAT, the full-on butchery thing with slabs and lumps and rumps and sides of MEAT in Catering quantities.
And close ups of chefs carving into carcasses was not the most relaxing thing.
I squirmed. The dentist looked up and went into emergency mode -
Turn it off, turn it off! he said to the assistants,
who had to leave the proceedings to fetch the remote.
What do you want? History?
I think I nodded.
Because it was all Pocahontas from there.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007


Property expert on Channel 7 news:
"If you're not on the merry-go-round, you're going to miss the boat"