bow lingual

Bow-Lingual The Dog Translator (via J walk)
is a device which analyzes your dog's barks then selects one of the nearly 200 preprogrammed phrases to represent what your dog is trying to say
Apparently there are six main emotions: happy, sad, frustrated, on-guard, assertive or needy. "Sad barks always exhibited a strong component in the 50 00hz range, but no harmonic component less than 30 00hz"
Another feature is the home alone mode which monitors and records your dogs barks and emotions for up to 12 hours while you are away.
The sample translations include: I'm on top of the world, Remember me?
and I'm Ok - how are you!
Even if she bought it, (and of course she leans towards this position) boynton would soon find the concept rather disturbing. If one of boynton's trio should bark assertive/showing off she wouldn't want to know if this actually meant: I'm ok - how are you!

enter FLO madly cartwheeling. She barks. BOYNTON receiving, analysing...analysing complete

FLO: I' m ok - how are you!
BOYNTON: Oh well you know Flo - it's all relative
Pause
FLO: I' m ok - how are you!
BOYNTON: Well you know - there are a number of different definitions of Okness
and at least four main positions.
Pause
FLO: I want to bite you.

this might be the cue for boynton to run away, switching the bow-lingual to home alone mode while popping on the Audio of I'm Ok You're OK here recorded by N/A

Or she could just play some good old Beatles Barkers. Brontë became very assertive during I Saw Her Standing There and showed off at 50 00hz, Flo joined in with a low subtle harmonic component, and poor old deaf, once-a-baritone Doug slept.

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Comments: bow-lingual

Coco the Wonderdog has a great range of snorts, howls, moans, whimpers, slurps and whines. They all mean the same thing: Give me everything NOW.

Her tail communicates the essential contract - if you do that, I will adore you. Otherwise I will punish you by doing my flatdog in the hall and look forlorn.

That doesn't work when she has just been shorn by Wendy the Mad Dog Shearer, because when she does flatdog she just looks like an uppity rat.
Posted by David at November 19, 2003 11:43 PM

Bronte (Jack Russell) does that `uppity rat' look herself without the trauma of shearing.
She has the worst repertoire of barks too - loud, passionate and complex. Flo (blue heeler) doesn't bark much but has a high howl. She uses her teeth to communicate. Doug doesn't bark as much now - but he used to have that bark identified by Bow-lingual as meaning "I am on top of the world"
This always happened about 40 minutes into "I am on the edge of the Ocean...and I've just noticed"
Posted by boynton at November 20, 2003 12:43 AM

Thieu's brother has a theory that all dogs, when confronted with a stranger are saying "Come here! Go away! Come here! Go away!"
Posted by mcb at November 20, 2003 08:42 AM

heh heh - and I think he is spot on, mcb.

And there must be many dogs who mix in even more
messages into a bark. Which is why the 'bow-lingual' needs a 'random' setting - to generate a sort of bitzer mix of mangled expression.
Posted by boynton at November 20, 2003 11:24 AM

The real communication problem with dogs is the other way round. Big brained smartarse species that we are, I can work Coco out. What I really want her to understand is:
I am going to the butcher so you can't come but I will be back with bones..
If you wait a big longer you can have a good walk...
Do you want the long walk or the short walk?
You can't eat that disgusting thing from the street because you might get sick and die..
If you poop under the light its a lot easier to find it with a plastic bag.
This diet will last for a few days and you will not die of starvation..
Posted by David at November 20, 2003 01:54 PM

Yes indeed.
Or. To be less 'speciest' - ways to 'dialogue with dog' would be useful:

Flo - what makes you want to nip my leg when you get really excited about something?
What's going on there?
I don't want to put you down or put you down.
Can you find some other way to communicate your bliss?

on a serious note - I 've just read a post that looks at this anthropomorphic mindset in regard to parrots. Why don't we learn to speak Grey Parrot or maddog Flo instead? ;)

btw I never mastered the basics with Doug and separation anxiety. Not even the aquired familiarity of routine would help him. Never quite learnt the language for:
I'm going down the street. I won't be long. So there's really no need to gobble my Retro furniture or my Melways. I will return.
Posted by boynton at November 20, 2003 02:59 PM

I'm really sorry - I know the loss of a good vinyl pouffe is a tragedy - but i just thought that last post was hilarious..

and parrots only say simple things: go for this seed and i will bit your bum.... stay still, that hair is perfect for the nest.. look fellers there's tons, come quickly and bring the flock... something funny's going on, leave RIGHT NOW..

i've spent a lot of time watching them at close quarters..
Posted by David at November 20, 2003 08:07 PM

yes the vinyl pouffe went pfftt but was probably NOT one of his misdeeds. The wonderful green 'armless' 50's couch WAS an early casualty of my dreadful temporary absence, as was a large 50's squiggly scatter cushion. CHOMPED. Both never to be 'recovered'. I tried to see the positive side: oh well, at least I'm getting less attatched to mere 'things'.

Even if they are collectible...

And re parrots. Was going to post this but here's the link to story that suggests there might be more to the macaw (or other parrots) than b had thought.
http://blogs.salon.com/0002007/2003/11/12.html
Posted by boynton at November 20, 2003 08:28 PM